I have proven so many times that I can easily write when I don’t feel like talking.  I don’t usually wake up lonely but today was something different.  Today is a day of I don’t trust myself.  I’m not fretting because I just know that I’ve done something stupid.  There are days that I don’t want to hear sad songs because it can only make me cry.  And today is one of them.

 

As one friend have told me, it’s hard to enjoy and disassociate having feelings with someone because enjoying is in itself a feeling.  I just feel so unsure today.  I’m torn on choosing between enjoying and believing that I can still enjoy.

 

And it doesn’t help when you get to hear a song like Dying by Five for Fighting.  I was able to hear this song today and I really liked the part, “I’m dying to forget about you”.  I don’t know why.  I just feel like that I’m kidding myself.  I’ve never imagined myself entertaining a complicated situation.

 

I knew it. I shouldn’t have started it in the first place.  I didn’t plan this but it happened.  I hate myself for losing my sense when I knew from the start that there’s no such thing.  And it gets harder each day because I’m actually enjoying his company minus the assurance of the possibility where it is going.

 

I’m not sad but I’m just thinking of if I should still continue this?  I guess, I have to look for other reasons first before I totally take the next step.  Not today but anytime soon.  And like the song Dying, I need to find a distraction to get myself away for a while.

 

 

Dying – Five for Fighting

 

I’m Dying, Dying to wake up without you, without you in my head again

I’m Dying, Dying to forget about you, that you ever lived

There’s a shade come over this heart that’s coping with laying down to rest

I’m Dying to live without you again

 

I’m Dying, Dying to find a distraction, get you away from me

I’m Dying, Dying to reach a conclusion, so that the world can see

It’s the same old story of love and glory that broke before it bent

I’m Dying to live without you again

 

The first time you left I said goodbye

Now there’s not a prayer that can survive

 

Dying, Dying to die just to come back so we can meet again

Dying, Dying to say what I always should have said

It’s a strange emotion this but there’s still hope in this

As long as there’s a breath…

I’m Dying and I can’t live without you again

 

It’s a strange emotion this but there’s still hope in this

As long as there’s a breath…

 

I’m Dying and I can’t live without you

I’m Dying and I can’t live without you again