Exactly a month ago yesterday I have this close friend who got mad at me for some reasons I don’t exactly know.  I have an idea of what it is but I can’t classify it as something that will make me burn my own bridges with a friend.

Well you might be wondering why I am using that idiom.  Well at least from my stand point it is as if she is.  I mean, would you say such a thing like “I am busy and I don’t have time for that and I don’t think I will find time for that!” when asked by a friend of how you and your friend are doing?

Can anyone just tell me that I’m getting all of this in the wrong context?  Anyway, I am not really mad, in fact, after the so-called fight/misunderstanding I’ve texted her.  Two weeks ago, I’ve sent her a message again.

I am the kind of friend who will try his best to extend his patience to a friend.  Not that I am expecting her to do that to me because I know and I was told that I shouldn’t.  But isn’t it if you were really friends, I think your friend at least deserves to know what’s the problem.  Not only for your own benefit, not only because it is the right to do but because it is for your friend’s growth, too.

This is what happens to friends in a relationship where they don’t actually open to each other.  I mean, what’s the point of having the relationship maybe, what the other party needs is just temporary filler in the space.  But sorry, I can’t be that person.

I treat my friends like they are my own siblings and sometimes like my own child.  It is really sad to be treated like this but I have to let go of this.  This will be unhealthy for me.  Besides, I have done my part.  No matter how hard I try to fight for the relationship, I guess there’s no point when the other party has just decided not to fight for it, too.

I just hope that the space that we have right now will be for the benefit of all.  Today, our world may not be as close like before but I know that our lives are somehow intertwined.  We have the same set of friends for years and later on she can’t stop running in circles and have to face the sad fact that she has to see my ugly face.

I just hope that this move of her won’t limit her dealings with our other friends because I honestly disagree with it.  Anyway, this is really sad and frustrating.  I can only do so much and I have to learn not to mind it.  It’s not easy but she just made it one.  The open time and space may not really work for the best but what can I do, I am left with no other choice but to.