A few days ago I’m having problems with moving on.  Based on observation, I think the reason why I’m having a hard time is because of I’m controlling myself too much.  Well, at least my true and real feelings are suppressed.  I’m trying hard not to get mad at him and put everything on a different perspective.  All I ever wanted are simple things to get over him.  I even told him that I’m hoping that everything will be cool, fine and okay between us.

Last Tuesday he did something that really hurt me and I pretended that everything was okay.  I tried my hardest to understand where he is coming from.  I tried to be objective about it.  But there’s no possible and acceptable reason that I can come up with.  I tried my hardest to fool myself and even asked if I were just feeling this because he has trampled on my pride.

And as the days go by, friends started noticing and feeling for me.  Some even made harsh comments about him and I tried to defend him as hard as I could but I lost.  I started to give up and stopped pretending that everything’s okay.

Then came Friday, I was really disappointed when I’ve learned that he has admitted to someone that he has made a terrible mistake.  That part I didn’t get.  How come he was able to admit it to someone and didn’t even admit it to me directly.  Knowing how many days have passed and all I’m waiting for is him to admit it and be sincere at the very least when he asked for forgiveness.

These things are actually the reasons why I am so disappointed:

  • Insincerity – I hate it when people can’t ask for forgiveness and be sincere
  • Courtesy – I hate it when people can’t extend the same courtesy you have given them
  • Inconsistency – I hate it when people give you alibis with loopholes.  I hate it when they’re doing something and saying a different thing
  • Insensitivity – I hate it when people are so damn clueless that they have done something wrong.

Sadly to say all I have to do now is move on, deal with this and learn from another mistake.  I thought I was able to make it clear that we can be friends and unfortunately after this I don’t think I am ready for that yet.  I don’t usually stay mad that long but this case is really different.

I just hope he can still sleep at night knowing what he has done.  No, I don’t want to be hypocrite.  I want him to drown on his own guilt.

I’ve been searching for appropriate song that can go with this blog but I can’t find one.  But this morning my friend Dru shared this video and it made my day.  Check it out.

*** I’m sending my thank you to Dru, Stephen, Rhix, Erna, Eliad, Noel, Helki, Ron, Selwyn, Jay-R and Kuya Joe for always being there for me especially when I needed to whine about everything and for watching my back.  Don’t worry guys everything will be alright, the crappy days will end and better days are on its way.