In life you have to make your own decisions.  And today in the modern days, it is also called freedom.  And with freedom, one is expected to use his own freewill.  It is part of adulthood; it is part of life.

And the first major decision that I made was choosing my college course.  Looking back on that day, I wish that I was braver and I took the risk and fought for what I really wanted.  Now, I’ve been living with that decision for more than a decade and I guess there’s no more point to complain about my semi-bad decision then.  At least I’ve learned about the concept of freewill after a decade and the hard way.

That’s why whenever I make decisions today; I try to weigh things as much as possible, its costs and benefits, the advantages and disadvantages, opportunities and threats as well.  Too rigorous and complicated as it may sound but that’s how everything should be done.  I don’t want to suffer the consequences of my decisions afterwards though I’m also fully aware that there’s no perfect world but at least I can say that the risks that I’m taking are more or less weighed and calculated.

Anyway, before everything gets too serious, the actual reason why I was posting this is because just a month ago I’ve taken the boldest move I’ve ever made in my entire life.  This decision will affect my life in the next 20 years or more.  I’m quite happy and proud of what I’ve done and equally afraid for the lifestyle change and the almost life-long commitment.  But as Kelly Clarkson puts it, “take a risk, take a chance, make a change and break away…”  I followed her words and now I’m literally broke. Ha-ha!

Setting aside the fear of being broke, there’s something that I can be happy about and this is the fact that I’d get to decide on things like the home design, the theme among others.  Just the thought of having the voice on things like this thrills me.  I’ve never realized that this is something big.  I get to choose the colors, pick the furniture and live on my own.    

But with this freedom comes responsibility.  Unfortunately, I’m not good with color combinations and the arts and crafts are not my department.  I’ve got a very poor taste on things as this is what my friends have continuously pointed out.  I don’t actually agree on that 100% but I’m not confident enough so I guess listening on what they’ve got to say will be on my advantage.

Stressing out on this is actually annoying to some extent because the turn-over will be in 2 years but the reason why I’m starting early is because I’m afraid that I’d make bad decisions and I promised myself that it won’t ever happen again.  I don’t want to regret and live with it until I die. And when I say “live with it” it is figuratively and literally.

I’m in dire need of guidance and aside from getting ideas from friends, I’ve bought and downloaded magazines, started to watch shows about designs and make-over, checked websites on room inspirations and got an application on my phone for visual designs and hopefully these things will help me decide on how my place would look like.

I know that others have greater ideas than me but I don’t want to stay in a place where I don’t see myself in it.  I don’t want it to be all hip and chic.  It worries me that it’ll have everyone’s ideas except mine.  So I’m going to listen and get as much ideas that I can have BUT at the end of the day, I’d still have the last say AND my VOICE will be heard.  Sounds like a good plan? I just hope that the execution would be great if not perfect!