Over almost two months ago I was so thrilled that I was given the chance to prove my worth in the corporate world.  It is a rare opportunity to be given this assignment.  To get our big boss’ trust is something I should be proud of.  I actually consider myself lucky.

But lately, I’m not sure if I can still consider myself lucky and worse, happy.  I’ve stayed in the company for almost 11 years (it’ll be 11 this coming August) because I was happy with my work and the environment. 

But today, I’m not sure anymore.  Sometimes, I’m just trying to tell myself that I’m still just adjusting with the work load and expectations.  Maybe I’m still not used to having a staff to look out and managing is quite a big task.  I don’t want to give up just yet but sometimes I’m thinking, “Do I really want this for myself?”

I was happy with what I am doing before and maybe this is one reason why I’m having a hard time to accept where I am right now.  I have to give up a lot of things like flexible work schedule, familiarity of work, friends who I adore so much and someone who inspires me that I left behind.   And then, what do I get in return?  Pimples, stress and what else, another ton of stress!

I just want a simple life.  I don’t want to be a boss.  I mean, I don’t see the need to and have my work-life balance compromised.  I’m contented with where I am.  Climbing the corporate ladder isn’t one of my goals.  I know that a lot of people would find it crazy.  Call it crazy but I can’t and don’t want to work and feel like it’s an actual work.  I want something that I can enjoy.

I can’t be in a place where all I can think of is anything but happiness.  And this is what my current environment reminds me of.  I don’t want to be in a place like this.  Today, Mondays always make me cry even if it’s not a rainy Monday.  I dread Mondays.

I know that writing this post isn’t something that I can be proud of.  This is a testament of defeat.  But I don’t care.  I’m really unhappy and this assignment is taking the best of me.

I need to be saved.  I need to be redeemed.  I need to wake up from this nightmare.  I need to find happiness.  I need to be where I am 2 months ago.  I need it soon.  But these are the things that I need.  Dear God, please help me get this!