Have you ever had the feeling of opening a box and seeing anything but what you’ve expected? Or not getting something you’ve been promised?  

Disappointment is a psychological result, it is a subjective response related to the anticipated rewards.  Some people recover quickly, others mire in frustration or blame and worst some become depressed.

Okay I’ll give you an example and explain why I came up with the exact opening statement.  I just found out over the week end that ABC just cancelled Brothers and Sisters.  I know that series end, shows end.  Ending is like death it is inevitable.  I am fully aware of that but what’s disappointing is how it came to an end and how it ended.  It’s like 2007 again when The CW Television decided to end Gilmore Girls.

These shows have been loved because of the story line, rapport of the casts and effective acting.  It’s just really saddening to see these shows end.  I say yes it matters how long a show has been there but getting a good and memorable ending is something the fans deserve.  It’s called giving justice to the show itself, its existence.

Seeing the news about Brothers and Sisters’ cancellation has been my major disappointment last week.  It has overtaken two frustrating situations in my life lately, one is my failure to attend my youngest brother’s wedding and the second one is being sick for days. 

Again, some people recover quickly, others mire in frustration and some even gets depressed.  It’s been 4 years now since Gilmore Girls ended and I can still feel the frustration maybe with Brothers and Sisters’ cancellation, I can try being depressed this time. Nah, I’m just kidding ha-ha.  I’m ending my post with a heavy heart; I just need to remind myself of this so I’m posting this video.

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I’ve been a big fan of Brothers and Sisters since its first season.  The show never failed to make me feel crazy, it’s a show where you’d laugh with the characters because they’re like your demented siblings inside the tube and the next minute you’d tire your tear ducts from crying because you’d feel for them.

When I’ve learned that 3 characters will leave the show I felt sad and wondered what will happen to the story.  It’s all about family and losing one character makes me feel like it’s not going to be the same.  The first 4 episodes was a true testament to that.  For me the story couldn’t pick up from where it left off the past season.  Though I know that a lot will be explained since the present day is a year ahead and 1 year has been missing so I am expecting a lot of flash backs to glue the pieces together.

Then the 5th episode entitled Call Mom was aired and this is the best so far from the season.  In the episode Nora auditioned for a radio show called “Call Mom” where she’d answer calls from the listeners and give them a piece of advice.  She was up against a famous Doctor for the job.  Kitty had a problem with her budding love interest and she was looking for Nora and she decided to call Kevin to look for her.  The next scene showed Kitty pretending to be a caller and asked for Nora who was being beaten by the competition.  Nora just gave a very sensible and heart felt advice.  Here it goes, (I’m not transcribing it completely but this is how I remembered it)

“You’re feeling awkward because you’ve just lost your husband.  But you shouldn’t feel weird about it.  How we handle the loss defines who we are.  The grief, sadness and disappointments are there to be acknowledged.  You should feel it because if you don’t you won’t hear it, you won’t see what’s there in front of your eyes.  You’ll be like a drunken cousin in a reunion that won’t shut up unless it was given an attention.  You don’t need your mom to tell you these things.  What you need is your mom to listen to you while you vent out.  You know what’s wrong and right”

I ended up crying because it made me miss my mom and yearned for her presence.  Nora’s right there are times when you’re down and all you need is your mom.  In the family I am my mom’s favorite.  All of my siblings agree to it.  Whenever I’m home the first thing I do is go to their room and kiss and hug her.  I don’t actually tell her my problems but when I’m down a comforting hug from her is enough.  Today like Kitty I am limited to making calls or e-mail her when I need something since we now live in different time zones.  Gone are the days when I’d sit beside her during meals and have my fish deboned for me, go to the groceries together, eat siomai and I miss giving her a massage when she needs one.

I know that she trusts me.  I know that she loves me.  I just miss those days that I can see her every week end.  I miss receiving a text message, “Ingat and Abu (this is how we say I love you in the family).  I just miss her hugs.  I miss having her by my side.

For those who have just read this post, do yourself a favor today call your mom and tell her how important she is to you because I do that every time I have the chance to talk to her.

I’m ending this post with the clip from Brothers and Sisters. Try not to cry. 😀

 

On September 4th my parents have been away for a year.  On the 23rd is my sister’s birthday. And whenever September comes these are the other things that come to my mind:

  1. Radio starts playing Christmas songs which I totally hate
  2. Bee Gees’ song September reminds me of my “pare” who sang it during a band competition and his birth month, too
  3. Floods, the Ondoy tragedy
  4. 9-ll attack in NYC back in 2001
  5. Greenday’s Wake Me Up When September Ends which was actually inspired by number 4
  6. And lastly, is the season premiere of my favorite shows.

First off the list is Survivor which will be premiering on September 15th.  It’ll be the 21st season from the franchise. The cast-aways will be spending the 39 days on Nicaragua.  I have just recently rediscovered my love for the show after not watching for years when I was compared with Parvati Shallow.  Some friends say that I am as manipulative as Parvati is and I love her for being the sneaky little bitch that she is.

Next is Supernatural on its 6th Season and will be premiering on September 24th.  I was actually happy because all I thought was the 5th season will be there last not until the producers made their final say early this year and revealed that the show will be up for another season.  Season 6th will be all about revelation, the final days of Sam and Dean Winchester and the Apocalypse.  I can’t wait to see this show.

Last and definitely not the least is the show, Brothers and Sisters.  The show will be aired on September 26th for its 5th season.  The season finale shocked me and left me with lots of questions.  Did Robert die? What will happen to Saul?  Will the new business be successful and encounter less problems as the water business?  But I have one big question that I really want to be answered is it true that 3 of their regular casts left?

I knew even before that Rob Lowe is leaving the story prepared me for that.  I was shocked to learn that Emily’s leaving, I like her.  But what’s really depressing despite the obvious reduced exposure of his role is Tommy.

I just can’t take that Tommy will actually leave the show, I just can’t take it.  Upon reading about it, I just went back to the list of what reminds me of September and made me listen to this. Can you just wake me up when September starts so I’ll have my answers?


Coming out of the closet can really be scary but my story was different.

I can still remember we are having some family drama that time.  Everything was dramatic and I don’t remember being scared that time since I was trying to make a point, a point that was very well taken.  I guess it’s a combination of perfect timing, confidence and so what I don’t care attitude.

Well I actually came out to my brothers during that occasion then a year after to my sister.  The latter’s case was more fun since I’m really my sister’s brother and friend.  She was here for a visit and we were reminiscing and catching up then everything was history.

I have yet to officially come out to my parents but I don’t really find it necessary.  I know that we are all just waiting for the formality.  I know that they already know it and they’re probably waiting for the cat to get out of the bag.

Like in the case for Brothers and Sisters, Nora knows that Kevin is gay and was just waiting for him to find himself and accept it.

Gays today are luckier because it is easier to come out.  Society has accepted and somehow given gays and lesbian alike more room and right to be out.  During my younger years, aside from the taint that you’d get from being one, there’s mockery and disrespect thus the birth of fear to most.

Luckily, I didn’t get much of these but I had share of it and unfortunately it came from good friends.  It is the one moment in my life where I’ve discovered who my friends are.  It has also helped me overcome fear and has accepted and respected myself more.  There were no friendship ending but there was a temporary little gap between parties,  I’m also proud to say that I matured after bracing that storm in my life.

And all was reached because I’ve learned to listen and forgive.  When you start listening to those who have hurt you, and you try to open up with them, forgiveness will be inevitable.  Fear is defeated; happiness and acceptance will be unleashed.

Maybe I’m just lucky that my story had a happy ending but all I want to say is, let’s stop being afraid of what others would say and start loving yourself by being true to one’s self.  Fear not what society dictates.  Live by your own want and happiness besides it is your own life and not theirs to waste.  Learn how to communicate with your heart with all honesty because it is only thing that matters.

I’m sharing the song from the Brothers and Sisters’ season 4 episode 19 entitled It’s Only Fear by Alexi Murdoch and the clip where Kevin finally faced Nora for the first time after learning about a secret she had kept from him for more than 25 years.


I have been watching Brothers and Sisters for the past 4 seasons and I’m totally in love with the series.  I’d see to it that I’d watch it immediately as soon as I have the copy of the latest episode.  It makes me cry and it cracks me up as well.

The show is something that you can really relate with and you’d find yourself connected with the characters since all of us have family matters to deal with.

And in my case, I can see a big deal of myself in Sarah Walker.  Her personality, very strong-willed and would sacrifice her own happiness for the family.  She’s successful and the provider.  She’s the woman of today and she knows what she needs and wants.

And in the latest episode “Wine Party”, Sarah finds herself asking Luc what they are and where the relationship is going.  She’s tired from always being the one in command and taking responsibility and happiness isn’t enough for her to continue on.  She’s asking for more and I think as she should be.

Lately, I found myself in the same road.  You see, I was misinterpreted and it turned out everything slipped away.  It was turning out to be good at the start but I can’t seem to be contented with what I have.  This time I want to be taken care of.  I want someone who can lead me and all I’d do is follow.  I want it to be real.

Well, my story is actually more complicated but one thing that I share with Sarah is I know what I want and I know what’s good for me.  And I don’t want to continue on something that I might be sorry for later on.

I’d rather lose it right now than lose myself in the long run.

I’m sharing the video clip from the show where Sarah found out that Luc is breaking it off.  The scene coupled with the song “Winter Song” by Sara Bareilles featuring Ingrid Michaelson struck me directly and piercing me in my heart.

It made me think if like Sarah have I make the right choice?  But then again, I know I did.  Anyway, here are the links of the videos.  Enjoy!

Winter Song

Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum

This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon,
It rolls in from the sea

My voice; a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light,
To carry you to me.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love

They say that things just cannot grow
Beneath the winter snow,
Or so I have been told.

They say were buried far,
Just like a distant star
I simply cannot hold.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
Cause you’re not where you belong;
Inside my arms.

Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum

I still believe in summer days.
The seasons always change
and life will find a way.

Ill be your harvester of light
and send it out tonight
so we can start again.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
Cause you’re not where you belong;
Inside my arms.

This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon
It rolls in from the sea.

My love a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light
To carry you to me.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

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The Brothers & Sisters’ Season 4 Episode 3 entitled Almost Normal really made me cry.  This is what I love with this show, it helps me clear my tear ducts and it can also make me laugh on top of my lungs.

Kitty finally told the family that she has cancer in this episode.  I really have to say that this show is blessed with a very amazing ensemble.  You can see the actors’ true emotion and you’ll totally feel for them.  My favorite part is the last 4 minutes of the episode.  (And as customary for me, I’d share it of course with you).  And, every time I replay the part, I still find myself crying.  The support of her family and their determination to fight the disease was really overwhelming.  Nothing beats the presence of loved ones during a situation like this.  Who wouldn’t brace a storm with a support as robust as that?  And Sarah’s arrival and as she hug Kitty made me cry over and over coupled with the lyrics from the song “Have a Little Faith”.

♪ Just have a little faith in me

Uh huh

I’ll have a little faith in you

So have a little faith in me

Don’t let it go

Don’t let it go

Don’t let it go

Don’t let it go

Don’t let it go

Just be strong for me

I’ll be strong for you ♪

I guess what really made me cry is I can totally relate to it.  Over a week ago, I’ve just found myself considering flying to the US this coming Christmas vacation.  All for the reason that I want to see my sister.  You see there are times in our lives that the touch of someone gives us comfort and assurance that everything will be alright.  And I needed that last week.  How I wish I can just go there within a snap of my fingers but unfortunately I can’t.  I just miss her so much.

As promised, I am sharing the last 4 minutes of the episode from Brothers and Sisters.  I hope you’ll like it and if you have the chance to watch the whole show, I’m sure you’ll totally like it.  I’m also sharing Michael Franti’s “Have a Little Faith”.


Last week’s episode of Brothers and Sisters made me cry again.  Well, I actually have this lousy excuse to let my heart out and cry as if the only reason why I am crying is because I am terribly moved by the scene and the story.  The plot of the story can really make you cry and relate to it.  The writers are superbly talented and gifted.  This show will make you wait week every week of episode.  I truly love this show.

 

The part this week that really touched me was when Julia proposed a toast.  A little backgrounder, Julia’s moving to Seattle since Tommy left them weeks ago in the show due to an embezzling problem at Ojai Foods.  And she finally decides to move on and find her way back to her life by taking chances and living her life.  To wit, she says that “In life the Walkers have made their own hard choices and they have supported each other…”

 

I have ripped that part so you can see it for yourself.  I really loved that part and it left me with the thought that I am having right now. 

 

Sometimes I tend to think of taking risks in my life that my father doesn’t agree of and if I can remember it right he hasn’t agreed on anything I have decided on but still I stood by it.

 

I am not unhappy with his belief because it is his opinion.  He is too safe and I am an idealist and too risky in his point of view.  At times, I just wonder how does it feel to be supported by him.  I don’t know with my other siblings but I think we all crossed that bridge with him.

 

Well, I know in life we have a lot of choices to make and being supported by our family leaves a certain sense of respect and pride that they actually believe us and have the promise of staying with us no matter what these choices bring us.  The comfort level will always be there and the peace of mind that we can hold on to whenever we sleep at night and at the end of it the reward of all is having the acceptance from them and the trust that you have made the right choice.