Finally after so many weeks I’ve had the chance to write something poetic. Short but very heartfelt. I was targeting for a piece that is cutting and drawn.  A haiku about some of the used to’s I’m thinking of right now. 

 

Missing some used to’s

Warmth in our conversations

Focused and engaged

 

The morning hellos

Right amount of attention

Sweet good night farewells

 

Trying to be strong

Concealing sadness with songs

Braving and praying

 

To realize that

I’m so used to be alone

Reality checked

 

Coping and starting

To detach my world from him

Soon to get over

 

Just need to be firm

Trust and control myself more

Happiness restored?

 

Are you familiar with Kübler-Ross model or the 5 Stages of Grief?  I was just reminded of these stages as I was watching Six Feet Under.  I don’t know if I’m just right down weird and morbid to think about death.  It has been inside my mind for the past two weeks I guess.  I was even able to write a haiku about death which goes like this,

 “Death will set you free, 

Embrace peace and solitude,   

Happiness fulfilled” 

I’m not sure if I’m really on the 5th stage of grief because I don’t remember going through the first 3 stages of grief.  Yes, I have been depressed few weeks back but I don’t think that’s a good reason for me to give up and ask God to take away my life back.  

Maybe, I’m just curious of what would my friends reactions be like.  Or maybe, I’m just really selfish and I don’t think about those who love me and those who depend on me.  I have always believed that one shouldn’t be afraid of death since it is inevitable.  What one should be afraid of is not living his life to the fullest.  Death is my inspiration why I’m seizing the day.  It is my driving force why I love to travel and discover the world out there.  This is the reason why I don’t think when I go to sleep and surrender my soul to the lord.  I don’t plan, I just let things be.  I have entrusted my life to God and I am ready anytime he’s ready to take me back. 

Okay I think I’m sounding too serious already but these are just my honest thought about my life and impending death.  Anyway, I’d just like to share the 5 stages of grief just so you’d understand what I’m talking about.  And do me a favor if I’ll be on 6 feet under the ground anytime soon just say a little prayer for me. Thanks! 

   

The progression of states is:   

  1. Denial – “I feel fine.”; “This can’t be happening, not to me.”
    Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after death.
  2. Anger – “Why me? It’s not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”; “Who is to blame?”
    Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy.
  3. Bargaining – “Just let me live to see my children graduate.”; “I’ll do anything for a few more years.”; “I will give my life savings if…”
    The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, “I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time…”
  4. Depression – “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”; “I’m going to die… What’s the point?”; “I miss my loved one, why go on?”
    During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect oneself from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.
  5. Acceptance – “It’s going to be okay.”; “I can’t fight it, I may as well prepare for it.”
    In this last stage, the individual begins to come to terms with their mortality or that of their loved one.

Secret as defined by the dictionary means something that is kept hidden.

I think that everyone has at least a secret.  Some maybe are just embarrassing things that they wouldn’t want to share like admitting who farted.  Funny as you may think about it but technically it is a secret.  I think it’s still debatable if farting can really fall under secrets since things like this shouldn’t be discussed at all.  And thinking about it is a lousy thing to build my premise.

Anyway, I’m writing this post because I have been told secrets before and I’m really flattered whenever friends trust me with their secrets.  My secret (oops do I really have to do this?) is whenever I am told that it’s a secret I just erase them from my memories in a way.  I put them on archive and won’t talk about it unless if my friend brings it up again.  But lately, there are things that are bothering me.  I’ve just realized that there are secrets you don’t want to hear.  There are things that are hard to be kept especially when you know that the person keeping this will hurt those whom they love.

Now I’ve been asking myself, how do you deal with that?  It’s a choice between good and bad, trust and loyalty, friendship.  Sometimes you pretend that these are white lies to protect yourself from your own guilt.  To preserve your relationship with those you love.

One thing I can say about this thing is that secrets can also be considered as lies.  It’s not easy not to tell a lie but I believe that one can actually avoid it.  It has been proven that keeping a lie is much harder than telling the truth.  One lie will entail a series of lies for you to back it up in short it’ll be requiring you more effort to pull it off as truth.  I don’t mean to sound too preachy but you can just tell I’m in a crossroad about a certain secret and I have decided that I’ll just tell my friend my honest thought about it.

Since I’m on haiku mode I was actually able to make one for this post.  Spell crazy and yes that’s me.  I’m also sharing a clip from FRIENDS about where everybody finds out about Monica and Chandler.

“Never keep secrets

From someone you love because

It can hurt them bad”



  

Last night out of boredom I have revisited my “101 Things to do in 1001 days” and I’ve realized that I don’t act like I’m serious about it. So I’ve decided that I’ll take a moment this coming week end to see if there are things from this list that I can easily accomplish since I need to complete at least 38 from the 101 until October 31st.

In fact, I have achieved last night.  One of my tasks is to make a haiku and I’ve made 4 haikus and I totally had fun.  I’ve shared it on twitter and with two bitchy friends, Erna and Rhix.  I was totally crazy.

Anyway, I think I have to give you a refresher of what haiku is.

Haiku is a form of Japanese poetry, consisting of 17 moras (or on), in three phrases of 5, 7, and 5 moras respectively.  Although haiku are often stated to have 17 syllables, this is inaccurate as syllables and moras are not the same.  In Japanese, haiku are traditionally printed in a single vertical line, while haiku in English often appear in three lines, to parallel the three phrases of Japanese haiku.

Now time to share what I’ve made.

 

First a haiku about myself :

“I’m a bitch you know,

So what’s your problem with that?

Get lost and die now”

 

Haiku about bitterness:

“Loving is tiring,

And I had to let go now,

It’s pointless and dumb”

 

Haiku dedicated to Rhix:

“Monay is duwag,

That’s why I hate her so much,

Bye bye lousy bitch!”

 

Last haiku for the night:

“Boredom has made me,

Tweet crazy stuff like this one,

Forgive me okay?”

 

You can tell I’m not really serious about this task.  Let’s see this week end maybe I can come up with real and good haiku.