Series of unfortunate events happened last week. I’m not even sure if what I’m feeling right now is numbness or maybe I’m still tired that’s why I can’t feel nothing but numbness. Some say I did a pretty good job. I’m acting fine right now and I’m surprising myself. Is this a sign of maturity or have I just woke up from my illusions and bumped into reality?
Okay, I know you’re wondering what I am talking about. Here’s what happened, let’s say I’m about to decide in a month’s time. Well, actually I really planned to weigh things after my birthday. It’s not actually an ultimatum because I don’t believe in one. But, because a trip is planned on that week and that will be a test of where we are. That’s the plan. That was supposed to be the plan.
Yeah I know you might be wondering can this be planned. Well, I’m not really even sure what I was thinking that time. But being me, I love planning so I just find myself doing that. Then week 1 of February happened. Monday was pretty odd and it got worse the next day. Wednesday was pretty fine until Friday. The first few days were all his fault but the last three days were mine. When I heard someone telling me I sounded tired then I’ve realized that I am.
Then came Friday night as I was packing up my things for the trip with my mind busy on the final itinerary, last minute research and exchanges with friends. Until someone asked my opinion regarding something that I can truly relate. It is as if I am talking to myself telling that person what to do. Then the birth of the realization came.
It is always easier said than done. Why am I forcing someone to do something that I myself can’t do? Just find myself so unfair and can’t even walk the talk. I’ve got hit harder when someone told me that people just do that because they don’t want to not because they can’t.
The impulse was too quick and I texted him if we can talk when I get back. He said about what and why. Then, I’ve just realized that it was unfair to some extent for both of us. Plus, I don’t want to go on vacation with that having in my mind so I dropped the news.
I’m moving on. It’s time for me to accept the harsh reality with the promise of everything’s going to be alright. We haven’t seen each other yet but we still do communicate like good friends. So again I’m doing fine. I’m not saying this because I’m in denial but because I am.
So I guess I just turned a year older a little early this year. I wasn’t supposed to get older until next month but I think I just did.
Anyway I’m sharing this James Morrison song entitled “The Pieces Don’t Fit Anymore”. This song made me realize a lot of things. Good things. As what my top ten entry says earlier, “I promised myself that I’d never stop believing in love and I’ll never get tired of taking risks” I think this is what defines me. There’s gotta be more than life than temporary happiness.
I’ve been twisting and turning,
In a space that’s too small.
I’ve been drawing the line and watching it fall,
You’ve been closing me in, closing the space in my heart.
Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart.
Well I can’t explain why it’s not enough, Cause I gave it all to you.
And if you leave me now, oh just leave me now.
It’s the better thing to do,
It’s time to surrender,
It’s been to long pretending.
Theres no use in trying,
When the pieces don’t fit anymore, Pieces don’t fit here anymore.
You pulled me under,
If I had to give in.
Such a beautiful myth,
That’s breaking my skin.
Well I’ll hide all the bruises,
I’ll hide all the damage that’s done.
But I show how I’m feeling until all the feeling has gone.
Ooh don’t missunderstand,
How I feel.
Cause I’ve tried, yes I’ve tried.
But still I don’t know why, no I don’t know why.
III dont know why…… whyyyyyyyy!