Let me share my craziness that I have been dealing from lately and my plans of debugging it.  I just missed blogging and writing stuff that I used to do and I know that this is a bit personal but again as if I really care with what people would think.

So I’m shooting away and would be brain farting anytime soon.

I took up accounting and have practiced the profession for more than a decade now which gives me the right to say this disclaimer that I have been using the left side of my brain.

I have this tendency of becoming too analytical and I tend to calculate every move that I make especially in terms of love.  Sometimes I actually ask myself if I’m capable of loving or even just believing it.  I don’t know why I’m too afraid to get hurt.  I can’t even give a good reason for holding back but I do.

But this time I think I’m following Snow Patrol’s song Just say Yes.  Love is neither a test nor a trick of the mind that I should analyze and understand.  This time I’d let myself feel what love really is.   I should embrace the uncertainty and enjoy every minute of the ride. 

And that’s my plan for the next few weeks.  Let’s see where this plan would lead me to… hopefully inside his heart.

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As a child I guess everyone was told that lying is a sin. Every culture and religion has a concept of punishment for the things we do wrong. The idea of right and wrong are inculcated at an early age to most or at least that was the environment I grew up with.

As I grew older I became fully aware that lying is a skill, it is actually an art of deceit. And based on observation, it is a trait that most intelligent people have.

But there’s also a way for you to wring the truth but the magnitude depends on how adept the liar is. It’s a skill against a skill.

And yesterday I was hardly hit by this realization about lies.

I just hate people who lie and when they’re caught they’d deny it. Not because of the lies per se but it is because of the undermining of my capacity to judge and ability to understand things. There is certain level of insult that’s not being said there.

This entry doesn’t mean to preach about honesty because I’m not the best person to advocate it. But what I’m telling is, if you happen to tell lies to people you consider a friend, you better be ready to acknowledge your fault when found and apologize to the grieved party once there is an opportunity.

It is a simple lesson on if you don’t tell lies you don’t have to worry about being caught. Just take the full responsibility as I believe in the true sense of justice and mercy.

 

“Sometimes it’s just best to let go of certain friendships, no matter how much it hurts you. Letting go now is better than being ignored for life.”

I don’t normally follow automatically generated quotes on twitter.  I’d only get to see quotes coming from my followers whenever they retweet quotations.  This is how I got to read the quotation stated above.  I also don’t usually retweet but I’ve really felt that this one deserves to be retweeted.  Yes, I’m trying to make a statement when I did that.

A friend once told me that my kindness at times is at a fault.  Some friends tend to take me for granted and I usually won’t mind.  I have always believed that forgiving my friends is like forgiving my siblings.  But here’s my latest realization that maybe it’s about time that I stop letting people treat me like I can always forgive them.  Maybe it is about time that I let other people think twice before they do hurtful things to me.  My forgiveness isn’t actually the issue here because I can always forgive them for the wrong doing but the more pressing issue here is should I trust them again?

I am tired of letting them do this over and over again to me without even realizing that they have to learn how to be apologetic and actually mean it.  I’m just an ordinary person who gets tired.  I think I deserve better than that.  I’ve have weighed everything and this is how it’s going to be from now on. I’m not sure if this is even a worthy cause even if the price would be losing someone I’ve used to love and cared for.

No matter how hard for me to do this, if this is the only way for my friends to understand how our friendship should work then I’m willing to be as cold-hearted as possible.  At first I thought I couldn’t do it but as the days pass by everything seems to be easier than I thought it would be.

Have I become someone else?  Have I also become the friend that I hated?  Have I also acquired the trait that I despised?  Have I also become someone who ignores?

I don’t have the answers today but I hope that someday they’ll understand where I’m coming from and everything will be better for us together or not.