I have started this blog and came up with the title “Outside looking in” with the intention of writing about my perspective and opinions on things, issues, movies and even music.  But I also write about stuff that bothers me and my inside thoughts with the hope of getting other perspective from an “outside looking in” blog readers.

Lately my plate is full and I’m really stressed out.  A big weight drop has been very evident.  I’m really bothered.  My work issues are like a buffet of food and it won’t just run out.  There are even days that I wanted to scream and just curse everyone that blocks my way.  Worse sometimes I ask myself if it’s worth all the stress.  Worst, there are times that I doubt if I can still do this.

So I’ve decided that I’d go back to running so I could take some stress away by trying to be healthy and literally get a breather from all of this.  And funny thing is while I’m running my mind won’t stop from running as well.  It’s like I can’t take it away and just shake it off.

But that’s not the only thing that helps me from all of this mess, having someone that you could talk to regularly is such a stress-reliever.  And sometimes thinking of the infinite possibility of being beside this someone is even good diversion.  Though there are times that you’d make sense of everything and you’d ponder about where you are headed to then you start to realize that you’re creating another bucket of potential issues so you just pretend that you don’t care and you’re just taking one step at a time.

And yes these were my thoughts while I was running earlier.  If you could only slice my head open and dissect everything that I’m thinking you’d be surprised.  I’m a yard away from being troubled but I know that everything will end soon.  I’m still hopeful and I believe that the challenges will make me stronger. 

This is just another brain fart.

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Just recently I’ve celebrated my 11th year in the company and the past 5 months was one of the hardest assignments I’ve ever had.  This time it’s totally different, I’ve had to handle people.  I’m pretty confident that I have the people skills but doing the actual work is harder than I think it was.  Management a bunch of adults is never easy.  You’ll have expectations and there will come to a point where those expectations wouldn’t be met.  The challenge is how to help them realize their shortcomings, guide them in achieving the objective and make them be the best that they could be.

I have promised myself that when I get the chance to lead.  I’ll lead by example and share the things that I have learned from the past.  I’d rather be called as a mentor than a boss. 

So now I have that chance, one thing that I always remind them is having the right attitude.  As Winston Churchill has said, “Attitude is a little thing the makes a difference.”  Actually it’s not only applicable inside the working environment; it can also be applied on your day-to-day dealing with people.  It’s not about how intelligent you are but it’s having the right attitude towards work. 

There are people who always question the direction.  I say, “One has to see the reasons first why things are asked of them to deliver.  I believe that it is better to start working on things rather than waste your time ranting.  Besides, you’ll do the work anyway.  So what’s the point in insisting your way when most of the time it is their way or the highway.”  I guess what I’m trying to say is as employees we are duty bound to fulfill the management’s directives.  The company hired us to carry out things that are geared towards company’s objectives.  We are paid to do that and it is but fair to do our best in fulfilling them.  I don’t have any problem with how you do things but as long as it gets done on time.

It’s all about the money.  I say, “But one has to know thy worth first before we demand.”  Yes I agree that getting a high pay will certainly guarantee your stay in the company but one has to remember that the higher the pay you get the more expectation you have to meet.  You get what you deserve and you give what is expected of you.  Honestly, when I was still young, I actually never did mind how much I was getting.  I’ve always welcome all opportunities that come my way.  My justification was these things are new to me and it’ll be an additional knowledge.  This is something that can’t be bought and can’t be taken away from me.  Those things make your worth and in the end you’ll never lose.  It’s just a matter of perspective I guess.

Bottom-line is one’s attitude has an impact on its own productivity and it plays a big part on one’s success.  If you want to reap the rewards in the future you have to work for it.  There’s an investment that has to be done.  Success can’t be achieved overnight and it will all start with having the right attitude, the positive one.  Work hard and be nice to people.  Start with these things and it will follow.  You could never go wrong with keeping the positive vibration within you.  When you’re easy to work with tendencies are your work will be easier.  Just try it and let me know if it worked for you. 

I don’t really mean to be too negative about it but I think after three weeks of in-state of shock I’m considering this new challenge as a curse.  At first, I thought 2011 started good but with the recent development that happened last leap day is making me think if 2011 was really a good year.  I know that it is still too early to tell but that unfortunate day is changing everything.  And yes I think I’m blaming it on the leap day and naming it as the leap year curse.

First, I still need to be grateful for some things so I could pretend that I’m really happy with where I am right now and what’s happening with me.  (What’s really disappointing me is that I thought I could just shake this thing off and be happy as I should but I just couldn’t).  My hard work for the past years had finally paid off, I’ve got an unexpected job grade upgrade and a validation of expertise had put me to an open-ended special assignment by our Chief Financial Officer.  And knowing our CFO she doesn’t trust someone so easily and this assignment was a great opportunity for me to deliver and make a mark for my name in the corporate world.  Aside from that, I’m now working with a pool of young but full of potential set of employees that excites me because I know that I’d learn something from them and I can impart the things that I’ve learned throughout the years. 

Having written the whole second paragraph made me forget what was the point of this post.  (See that’s how good I am with making a point, I tend to confuse myself, too.)

But with this great opportunity comes with a big challenge and things that I have to give up, too.  Example, I was transferred to a new office and I don’t get to see the person that’s making me happy every single day and of course, I have to leave a good set of friends, too.   Another is the accessibility, the new office is a little farther, and there’s a need to travel just to go a bank and malls.  (But this isn’t a major up setter actually).  The major issues actually are the time that I have to let go.  Being back to this kind of work would entail me to render and extend overtime.  Working on weekends is highly probable.  Another reason of my unhappiness and worries is being assigned to this work pause threats to some that I don’t entirely get.  I just hate it when people thing think that I’m there to rob off their authority and trample over their rights.  I just hate working on an environment wherein you could smell insecurity and the need to power trip is high.  Thus, there’s a need for them to compete with you that makes me cringe and makes me want to give them an award and say “are you happy now?” 

I just want it to be as simple as this, I want an environment where everyone is happy and helping each other out.  We are in a working place not an arena where someone is declared a winner afterwards.  I have always believed that a good working attitude must be exemplified in a corporate world.  I just want world peace and camaraderie.

Making this post isn’t easy.  It has only been three weeks and this is what I’ve been feeling.  This is a serious thing and I’m not happy with the turnout of events.  And if it’s truly a leap year curse I just hope that I don’t need to wait for the next leap year so everything would revert back to what I’m used to. Oh please Lord, please don’t! Spare me my happiness.  My dear readers please pray with me.  Thanks!

 

“Smiling makes you feel better about yourself, even if you don’t feel like it. And it always makes other people think better of you.” – Anonymous

 

Colleagues would always say that it’s nice to see me every day because I always have this smile.  Others even ask me how on earth I can put on a smile like that.  That’s why I borrowed the famous quotation above.

But, yesterday was a difficult day for me at work.  Frustration overpowered me and I was really close to giving up.  By giving up I mean, I am close to resigning, leaving my retirement fund (since I’ve been here for 9 years and that’s not easy) and forgetting about my future plan of traveling the world.

In the past whenever I get to feel this way I usually talk to my father and tell him that I want to find a new job and he’d tell me that it’s not wise for me to give up and explain the financial impact it might have.  But before doing so, I would usually consult my friends about my decision so that they’d help me convince my father that it’s not just about the money and the future but I always fail to convince him and myself as well.

This is my 3rd department and 3rd business unit in my 9 years of stay here.  Like what I’ve said this isn’t my 1st time to feel this and I have survived 2 similar situations before.  But this time it was different because I have 2 failed attempts of convincing my boss that my current work just doesn’t fit me.  I need to go back to what I’m good at and it is the numbers.

Talked to 2 good friends and they said that this is the stage (where I am at right now) where employees should be at the work where they think they’d be retiring to.  In short, work should be felt like it is work.  It should be something that you enjoy doing.

I just find it funny because I sent an email to my college friends asking them to pray for me that I’d go through this dilemma and I’ve got this reply, “Oh, I didn’t get the idea that you are having such a hard time on your life which looks so perfect!”  You see that’s how tough I am at least what they see from the outside, that’s the power of smile.

I know that this too shall pass.  And as I always say, “Even crappy days end”.  I need to be strong and I know that I am.  I’m ending this post with the lyrics from the famous song Smile by Nat King Cole. 

“Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you”

 

 

I have never felt this confused about work since 2005.  Well, I don’t normally think about working outside my current company.  By August, it will be seven years of hard work, fun, challenges and patience.  I have transferred twice to different divisions and handled five different jobs ever since.

 

Last Friday, I got a call from a company who’s giving me a job I couldn’t possibly resist.  I have never expected that they’d call since the last interview was a long time ago.  They have mentioned the pay and the work but it’s not the only thing that I consider.

 

I’ll be going to see them tomorrow and probably I’d ask a day or two for me to finally decide.  On Friday, I will be leaving for Boracay for a vacation and I will take that opportunity to think things over.

 

I have no problem with the financial aspect, the pay that I am getting right now is enough, I couldn’t ask for more.  The work and exposure that I have experienced with the company is surprisingly awesome.

 

That leads me to a very confusing and hard dilemma right now, choosing between a stable and happy work life to a very tempting progressive growth on my career.  But, it is the risk that’s worth taking.  This is the moment that I am waiting for.

 

Maybe, it’s about time that I come out of my comfort zone.  I don’t want to end up thinking about what could have been later on in my life.  I will just face my decision and stand by it.  Anyway, there’s no right or wrong answer to my questions.

 

What do you think?  Have any thoughts on this?