They say that “timing is everything”.  If we were talking about dancing, it is about the rhythm, the synchronizing of the production for the effect.  If we were talking about gags, it would about the instance when you drop the punch line and people start laughing.

This is the second part of A’s journey.

A has been known to have one of the worst timing.  Once, he had his heart broken on his birthday.  For him, there’s no such thing as timing.  If he feels that something needs to be said and done, it has to happen that instance or else if you’ll give him more time to think he’d lose his point.  For him, it is better to be clear and out in the open than assume and wait for something that’s uncertain to happen.  He strongly believes that it is better to leave while he is still in love.  This way he could have closure and possibly keep the friendship.

And just recently it happened again – his heart broken and shattered into pieces.  It was never easy but he had to do what he believes is the best for him and B.  He hates the fact that he had to leave the beautiful friendship behind.  Taking some time off to move on and start again.  Some call it self-preservation, some call it a brave move and he calls it the right to do.

It took him months to convince himself to finally do it.  Had he waited another day, for the perfect timing, nothing will be written today.  And to make it worse, it all happened on the night of heart’s day.

If timing is everything then A will be damned for all eternity.

This is a tradition I’ve started last 2010.  I’ve done a recap of the year that has passed.  A trip down the memory lane, read on bitches!

1.  What did you do in 2013 that you’ve never done before?

  • I have dyed my hair and everybody loved it. Was able to ran about 10-km on a regular basis.

2.  Did you keep your new years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year?

  • I’m not a fan of resolutions what I’m planning to do this 2013 is to be spiritually upright and active.  Hopefully I can achieve this so I could be a better person. ß This is what I wrote at the start of the year, I think I failed.

3.  Did anyone close to you give birth?

  • Joy one of my closest friends from college.  It is her second son.

4.  Did anyone close to you die?

  • Luckily none.

5.  What country did you visit?

  • Finally I was able to go back to the US after three long years.

6.  What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?

  • I’m quite happy with my 2013 despite major challenges at work. I think what I really lacked in 2013 is a normal and not-too-stressful work that I’d kill to have this year.

7.  What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

  • January – Started to get constant communication with someone.
  • March 7-9 – Celebrated my birthday in Boracay and luckily my friend Edrick was there, too.  Got to meet his good friends.
  • April 27 – Finally met this amazing person in the flesh.  After months of being in constant communication with him.  A whole day of fun. One of my personal favorites for 2013.
  • April 29 – Got crazy and went to Alabang to meet this person for the last time before I leave for the US.  Had an amazing dinner and tea that night.  Funny thing, we accidentally bumped into my brother so he got to meet him and my mom.
  • April 30 to May 21 – Took my long awaited 3-wk absence from work.  Got to spend weeks of wonderful fun road trips with my sister and family. Got to meet my high school friends, Pipi and Thea, several times.
  • June – finished all the bank financing requirements and in less than a month of preparing for it, my loan got approved.
  • June or sometime in July – I have realized that this special person changed. It was sudden though the communication was still there but the warmth diminished. It was one of the trying times but I remained strong.
  • August – I have discovered the reason for the change and I had to pick up my pieces. I decided to let go.
  • September – a wizard left at the middle of projects.  Personally it was frustrating for me.
  • November – met someone new but he just couldn’t replace the hope I have for the other person.  But I began to date him consistently.
  • Early December – the plot thickens.  I have discovered a different character.  This time, there was no choice but to let go entirely. 
  • December – families from other countries went home for the holidays.  Finally after so many years we were complete.

8.  What was your biggest achievement of the year?

  • I was able to keep a special friendship with someone I have met personally midway the relationship.

9.  What was your biggest failure?

  • I’ve pushed someone to resign from his post.  I was kind of hoping that I could change his mind set being his mentor.

10.  Did you suffer illness or injury?

  • I just went back to the pain rehabilitation due to persistent back problems.  Later on, I’ve found out that my spines’ degree of curve progressed.

11.  What was/were the best thing/s you bought?

  • The airline ticket to the US and the very beautiful convertible dining table from IKEA.

12.  Where did most of your money go?

  • Amortization of my property and living allowance like food and transportation.

13.  What did you get really, really, really excited about?

  • Meeting someone for the first time and my 3-wk vacation.

14.  What songs will always remind you of 2013?

  • Just say yes by Snow Patrol, Original Soundtrack from the play The Last Five Years

15.  Compared to this time last year, are you:

  • Happier or sadder? I’m definitely happy but I couldn’t say that I am happier.
  • Thinner or fatter? I think I am fatter.  I have targeted to maintain a certain range of weight.
  • Richer or poorer? I’d say just the same.  I was lucky enough that I didn’t have to beg for money.

16.  What do you wish you’d done more of?

  • Things that I’ve wished in the past years like learning how to cook, reading books and writing blogs.

17.  What do you wish you’d done less of?

  • Hoping that he’d love me back.  I should have let go when I still had control over my feelings.

18.  How did you be spend the holidays?

  • Spent it with my family at home.  New Year’s Eve rocked.

19.  Did you fall in love in 2013?

  • Yes I did.

20.  How many one-night stands?

  • Oh, I can’t say. I’m not telling.

21.  What were your favorite TV programs this year?

  • Old –  Supernatural,  The Amazing Race and Survivor, Revenge, Parenthood, Person of Interest, Game of Thrones
  • New –  Downton Abbey and Sherlock Holmes

22.  Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

  • Yes that ugly thing that blocked me on twitter because it got jealous.

23.  What was the best book you read?

  • Started to read Game of Thrones but I wasn’t able to finish unfortunately.

24.  What was your greatest musical discovery?

  • I can’t exactly remember if there was any.

25.  What did you want and got?

  • The 3-wk vacation.

26.  What were your favorite films of this year?

  • Watching movies is one of the things that I miss the most.  The only movie I can think of is the Trilogy – Before Sunrise, Before Sunset and Before Midnight.  Iron Man 3 because this is the only movie I’ve watched in the cinema. And the local film, Four Sisters and a Wedding because it made me cry.

27.  What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

  • I went to Boracay and luckily my friend Edrick was there, too so I’ve met him and his friends.  As a tradition, I would be welcoming the day on the shore while eating cheesecake and I did that.  I was alone but I was accompanied virtually by someone and I really find it sweet.  I turned 34 and I was sick from the afternoon until night.

28.  What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

  • If the un-thinkable happened.  If he just broke away and took that risk with me.

29.  What kept you sane?

  • Knowing and being close to someone.  He really brightened up most of my days. 

30.  What political issue stirred you the most?

  • I don’t listen to the news at all.  I don’t give a damn about national issue and how it is being sensationalized in the television.

31.  Who did you miss?

  • Him. He changed towards the remainder of the year.  It was such a bummer.

32.  Who was the best new person you met?

  • Drix – though he should not be qualified under this category because I have known him for years but I finally got to really know him and I am really thankful because he such a sweet guy.
  • Lhen – didn’t expect that this bully would be someone I could be close with.  Our friendship started over twitter then to whatsapp then everything clicked.  Such a sweet friend.
  • Erwin – this person I really didn’t expect I’d get close to. I remember I really tried my hardest to let him feel that I really wanted to know him as a friend.  He was a snob but sometime towards the end of the year we’ve found ourselves talking more and more.  I think we are lot alike and our wavelengths met.
  • Jay – probably the best discovery of the year.  Well, technically we started talking the last day of 2012 but I’d still categorize him under 2013.  The constant communication, all modes regardless of time zones.  I’ve never imagined that I’d find someone like him.  We’d talk about everything and anything.  It was something that I am very thankful of.  I could honestly say that he was the biggest reason why 2013 was memorable to me. 

33.  Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012:

  • Some people are real, some people are good, some people are fake and some people are good at being fake.
  • The happiest people don’t have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything.
  • One should never hold back, love is not a trick of the mind when you feel it, go for it and don’t turn back just because you are too afraid to get hurt.

 

 

 

Finally after so many weeks I’ve had the chance to write something poetic. Short but very heartfelt. I was targeting for a piece that is cutting and drawn.  A haiku about some of the used to’s I’m thinking of right now. 

 

Missing some used to’s

Warmth in our conversations

Focused and engaged

 

The morning hellos

Right amount of attention

Sweet good night farewells

 

Trying to be strong

Concealing sadness with songs

Braving and praying

 

To realize that

I’m so used to be alone

Reality checked

 

Coping and starting

To detach my world from him

Soon to get over

 

Just need to be firm

Trust and control myself more

Happiness restored?

Love is such a good feeling especially when you are not looking for it.  You’d see signs and you’d realize that you have stumbled upon it.  One sign is you’d find yourself smiling and the only reason you have is just because you’re thinking of that certain person.

I didn’t expect that I’ll find someone interesting, someone who’ll connect with me in a way that I have not connected to with anyone else before.  The constant interaction and exchanges led me to where I am today.  But, I don’t want to complicate things and I know that this isn’t part of the plan.  Everything is clear right from the start.

Also, I just have accepted the fact that there are things in life that we want to have but we don’t get them and in my opinion and what I have learned is all we need to do is move on and find another dream to chase.  Especially in terms of love, when things don’t go our way, we can’t be bitter about it.  We should remember that we love the person because we just do and not because of the anticipation of possible reciprocation of love.

I know I may sound too pessimistic and I’m not sure what I’m talking about but I’m just afraid that I’ll start havoc and I’d end up hurting. 

But what I’m sure of today, regardless of the situation, I’m ready to love him and I’ll love him more than anyone.  I’ll be the first one waiting and I’d be the last to leave and all I want to do is make him the happiest person alive.

I know that I can certainly make him smile but not the smile that he’ll draw his happiness from.  I just hope that I can bring him the happiness he deserves could even be possible in the future.

These are just some of the things I have in my mind, pardon my brain fart.  Don’t worry I won’t and don’t do sadness. 

I have started this blog and came up with the title “Outside looking in” with the intention of writing about my perspective and opinions on things, issues, movies and even music.  But I also write about stuff that bothers me and my inside thoughts with the hope of getting other perspective from an “outside looking in” blog readers.

Lately my plate is full and I’m really stressed out.  A big weight drop has been very evident.  I’m really bothered.  My work issues are like a buffet of food and it won’t just run out.  There are even days that I wanted to scream and just curse everyone that blocks my way.  Worse sometimes I ask myself if it’s worth all the stress.  Worst, there are times that I doubt if I can still do this.

So I’ve decided that I’d go back to running so I could take some stress away by trying to be healthy and literally get a breather from all of this.  And funny thing is while I’m running my mind won’t stop from running as well.  It’s like I can’t take it away and just shake it off.

But that’s not the only thing that helps me from all of this mess, having someone that you could talk to regularly is such a stress-reliever.  And sometimes thinking of the infinite possibility of being beside this someone is even good diversion.  Though there are times that you’d make sense of everything and you’d ponder about where you are headed to then you start to realize that you’re creating another bucket of potential issues so you just pretend that you don’t care and you’re just taking one step at a time.

And yes these were my thoughts while I was running earlier.  If you could only slice my head open and dissect everything that I’m thinking you’d be surprised.  I’m a yard away from being troubled but I know that everything will end soon.  I’m still hopeful and I believe that the challenges will make me stronger. 

This is just another brain fart.

Let me share my craziness that I have been dealing from lately and my plans of debugging it.  I just missed blogging and writing stuff that I used to do and I know that this is a bit personal but again as if I really care with what people would think.

So I’m shooting away and would be brain farting anytime soon.

I took up accounting and have practiced the profession for more than a decade now which gives me the right to say this disclaimer that I have been using the left side of my brain.

I have this tendency of becoming too analytical and I tend to calculate every move that I make especially in terms of love.  Sometimes I actually ask myself if I’m capable of loving or even just believing it.  I don’t know why I’m too afraid to get hurt.  I can’t even give a good reason for holding back but I do.

But this time I think I’m following Snow Patrol’s song Just say Yes.  Love is neither a test nor a trick of the mind that I should analyze and understand.  This time I’d let myself feel what love really is.   I should embrace the uncertainty and enjoy every minute of the ride. 

And that’s my plan for the next few weeks.  Let’s see where this plan would lead me to… hopefully inside his heart.

Image

This is a tradition I’ve started last 2010.  I’ve done a recap of the year that has passed.  A trip down the memory lane, read on bitches!

1.  What did you do in 2012 that you’ve never done before?

  • I’ve performed a spontaneous improvisation theatre with an American cast from Beijing last June 30 during the Manila festival.  I surprisingly enjoyed it despite the fact that I had to perform using a foreign language.

2.  Did you keep your new years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year?

  • I’m not a fan of resolutions but I tried to do a “101 things in 1001 days” but I failed big time.  What I’m planning to do this 2013 is to be spiritually upright and active.  Hopefully I can achieve this so I could be a better person.

3.  Did anyone close to you give birth?

  • Yes my high school best buddy, Annie.

4.  Did anyone close to you die?

  • My dear colleague Edwin.  It was a surprise.  Too bad we didn’t know that he’s been sick for months. 

5.  What country did you visit?

  • None! Stop asking about things that I wished I’ve done last year.

6.  What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?

  • I’m really satisfied with 2012 and I couldn’t ask for more.  Gazillion of blessings were received and I think it is the best year so far but just to answer the question, I guess I would have to say, like last year I’d like to have someone to spend the best day with.

7.  What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

  • January – I was surprised when my ex-boss called me in her work station and gave me a letter of upgrade.  I was ecstatic for days because I wasn’t expecting that after years of waiting I finally got a job grade change.  Something that I am thankful for until today.
  • 3rd week of January – Traveled to Boracay with my siblings.  This travel is one of the best having spent the week end with them in an island like Boracay is a memory that I won’t forget.  The water sports experience is hilarious.
  • February 29 – Will always be etched in my memory.  It was the day when our CFO called me in her office and announced that I will be assigned on a special project and it will be an open-ended one.  Guess what that special assignment ended up as a permanent one.
  • March 7-10 – Celebrated my birthday in Bohol for the 2nd straight year but this time I was able to convince my friends to come join me welcome my birthday!  It was an experience that I won’t forget.  Had so much fun in the sun plus I was able to go snorkeling on my actual birthday. 
  • March – April – It was one of the most challenging months being just new in the assigned role and the company has shifted to a new system and platform I had no choice but to quickly understand and keep up with the project.  It was fulfilling when the cut-over activities was done.
  • Sometime May – I’ve openly discussed with my manager my fear and frustration with the work situation and the unnecessary anxiety and the battle between going back to the old work assignment and new challenge.
  • July 2nd week – Got a surprise message from someone.  He opened up and shared something personal that I didn’t expect at all.  That day started a relationship that I’m totally thankful for.  It may not be the relationship that I had hoped for but it’s something that worth treasuring.
  • August – My first time to be awake at work for 30 straight hours.  It was all the fault of an incompetent and egoistic manager in the company. 
  • Sometime August – September – It was made known that my boss’ application for my promotion was approved and I just have to fill up several documents to support the pending papers.
  • September 8 – Started a friendly conversation with someone in twitter that ended up becoming a friendship in the long run.  Regular text messages and calls were made.  Having someone around to talk to is very comforting.
  • October 6 – A wedding wizard event shared with my best buddy Pipi.  Her cousin got married and it was a fun experience to share an experience with someone you grew up with and seeing you in an action. It’s like opening another side of me to someone who’ve I known for a long time.
  • October 12-15 – Got the chance to travel with my best buddies, May, Jett and Benson.  I was able to conquer my fear from the 4×4 truck ride at Paoay Sand Dunes.  We traveled far north and enjoyed every minute of it.
  • Mid-November – After 7 years and 2nd good news of the year, I got promoted.  My transfer was made official coupled with a gift.  A blessing that I am most grateful for.
  • November 9 – 12 – Wedding wizards’ first out-of-Luzon event.  This activity wasn’t just an event for us; it was our time to bond and took some time off our busy schedules.
  • December 14 – After realizing that I really missed dancing and doing an activity out-of-the-box I joined our company’s dance group and competed in the annual Christmas party.  It was a very fun experience.  Met lot of new faces and friends along the way.

8.  What was your biggest achievement of the year?

  • I was too lucky to be both upgraded and promoted at work in the same year.  A truly blessed year.

9.  What was your biggest failure?

  • I wasn’t able to continue and complete my 101 things to do in 1001 days.  It started very promising but ended up as a big failure.  I also stopped from blogging due to the work requirements.

10.  Did you suffer illness or injury?

  • No major illnesses and injuries.  I was treated at the emergency room for a mistake I’ve made while cleaning our comfort room in the apartment.  A very stupid mistake.

11.  What was/were the best thing/s you bought?

  • An iPhone.  It complemented my iPad.  Calendars and schedules were made easy to organize.

12.  Where did most of your money go?

  • Amortization of my property and living allowance like food and transportation.

13.  What did you get really, really, really excited about?

  • My promotion.  It was unexpected because the first feedback I’ve heard was the top management didn’t allow it but surprisingly my boss pursued and went thru her ways.

14.  What songs will always remind you of 2012?

  • Terrified by Katharine McPhee and Zachary Levi and Bright Lights and Cityscapes by Sara Bareilles

15.  Compared to this time last year, are you:

  • Happier or sadder? I’m definitely happy and contented.  Happier maybe because my career at work has climbed another level.
  • Thinner or fatter? Definitely THINNER!!! Work stress is the main reason. 
  • Richer or poorer? I’d say RICHER with all the blessings I’ve received last 2012.

16.  What do you wish you’d done more of?

  • Learning how to cook, reading books and writing blogs.

17.  What do you wish you’d done less of?

  • Worrying about work and being stressed out but I can’t help it work just sucks sometimes.

18.  How did you be spend the holidays?

  • Spent it at home with my parents and Philippine-based siblings.  A traditional feast was shared with the family.

19.  Did you fall in love in 2012?

  • No, I didn’t.  What is love anyway? Borrowing the song from the 80s. Ha-ha!

20.  How many one-night stands?

  • Oh, I’m not telling this year.

21.  What were your favorite TV programs this year?

  • Old –  Supernatural,  The Amazing Race and Survivor, Revenge, Parenthood
  • New –  Person of Interest and Castle

22.  Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

  • I’m happy to say none this year. 

23.  What was the best book you read?

  • Unfortunately I wasn’t able to finish a single book.  Hopefully I’ll get to finish one this 2013.

24.  What was your greatest musical discovery?

  • I guess Phillip Phillips the American Idol winner.  I wasn’t able to love and like a new artist last 2012.

25.  What did you want and got?

  • An iPhone and promotion at work.

26.  What were your favorite films of this year?

  • I didn’t watch a single movie in the cinema so I can’t recall much but top of mind would be The Dark Knight Rises, 7 pounds and The Iron Lady.

27.  What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

  • I went to Bohol with my good friends The Wedding Wizards and this is my 2nd straight year to celebrate it there.  It’s my 33rd birthday and we went snorkeling and spent the rest of the day worshipping the sun. 

28.  What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

  • Same with last year’s – If I were able to go out of the country and explored a new country.  I’m wanderlust!

29.  What kept you sane?

  • Probably the support of friends around me.  Nothing else would keep me sane.

30.  What political issue stirred you the most?

  • I don’t listen to the news at all.  I don’t give a damn about national issue and how it is being sensationalized in the television.

31.  Who did you miss?

  • My sister.  Being away from her is very hard but good thing technology helps with keeping our communication line open and strong.

32.  Who was the best new person you met?

  • Florence – she’s my boss and I’m really thankful for having an opportunity to work with her.  I think I’ll learn from her a lot.
  • Cathy –she’s a former seat mate at work.  I’m really happy that I was able to be seated beside her that paved the way for me to be close my officemates today.
  • Leah – she’s really fun to be with.  We can talk about everything.  I’m really honored that she has shared personal
  • Ron, Oline and Sarah – my small support group.  I’m so happy and proud of my team.
  • Glen aka Khiko Monster – from a twitter follower to a constant person I exchange messages with and person that I get to talk with for at least once a week

33.  Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012:

  • One has to learn how to accept new challenges in life and take everything you’ve learned from the past and make it as a guide to be successful
  • Life is about going out-of-the-box, out-of-the-ordinary and out-of-the-comfort zone.  Life is about taking risks and making things happen.
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