the one with you can’t win

I wasn’t originally planning to write about Kelly Clarkson’s You Can’t Win.  I was thinking of a different song but I was too busy that the days passed by and my love for this song grew stronger that made me post this.

This song is said to be one of Kelly’s favorites and I’m not surprised.  Upon hearing the song I already knew that she wrote it.  Basically, the song is about why we shouldn’t try to please everyone.  It’s like if you’ll do something, you’ll be damned and if you don’t you’ll still be damned.   And it’s the fucking truth.  People will always have different opinions about you.  The question is does this really matter?  Are we here on earth to live a life built on others’ expectations?

It’s actually ironic, when the world clamors for us to be ourselves – yet forces us to be the “selves” that meets the world’s standard of approval.  See how the world is trying to confuse us.  No wonder some people stopped believing on their own.

But I don’t.  I have always been the rebellious type.  I am non-conformist.  I really hated getting an attention.  Being famous and popular wasn’t my priority in life.  I’ve always believed that I don’t need to kiss somebody’s ass to be loved and appreciated.  In fact, I’m a bitch, I’m blunt and I can get away with it.  Actually, there’s a misconception, most people love bitches.   

I guess it’s just matter of finding your right crowd, the crowd who’d get to know you more and accept for what you are.  At least for me, what only matters are the opinions of my loved ones because I know that they have the best interest but again, I’ll just take their inputs and weigh things out then do whatever suits me.  I never meant to live my life under the shadow of somebody else and up to the extent that I’d sacrifice my own happiness and personality. 

Always remember whatever you do with your life is your own decision and you just need to be ready with its consequence.  At the end of the day your own happiness matters not theirs.  So do you still think you need everyone’s acceptance?  I just hope your answer is a resounding – NO!

 

the one with the year 2011

1.  What did you do in 2011 that you’ve never done before?

• I’ve bought a property or should I say, I’m paying for the down payment of my future property.

2.  Did you keep your new years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year?

• I’m not doing new years’ resolutions since 2009 but I’m doing 101 things to do in 1001 days that will end July 28, 2012.  I really need to update this since the last update I’ve made about this was 2010 I think.

3.  Did anyone close to you give birth?

• Yes my sister-in-law, Joy.

4.  Did anyone close to you die?

• My dog Tracy died last November 25.  It was a very hard day.  Today, I still think of her from time to time.

5.  What country did you visit?

• Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to go out of the country this year.  I had to forego my travel since I’m paying for something.

6.  What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

• I’m quite happy with what I have.  I guess the answer would be a special someone.  I would really love to have someone by my side.  Someone who’d stuck with me despite of my imperfections.

7.  What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

• January 5 – learned how to “unlove” someone I love.  It’s a risk that I had to take; I had to break a friendship.  It was hard and I ended up breaking my own heart but it was also liberating.
• January 22 – I have created an enemy on twitter and “it” never stopped on sending hate tweets and random “parinigs”.  It is funny because it is pathetic.  And I’m using “it” because something as ugly as it can’t be considered as human. Ha-ha!
• March 5-8 – traveled alone in Cebu and took the local mode of transportation went to Bohol the next day to celebrate my birthday.  Continued my birthday tradition which is to eat a blueberry cheesecake since 1999 and travel out of town since 2008.
• May 1 – went to Baguio with the Rushers for 2D1N despite the short span of the trip it was memorable because of company
• June 11-13 – woke up late and didn’t make it to my flight, I had to buy a new plane ticket just to go to Boracay.  Again, I was alone in this travel.
• July29-31 – went to Camotes Island in Cebu with my friend Trina.  This was memorable because we’ve been sisters of the traveling pants and it was our reunion trip together after almost of 2 years of not traveling together.
• August 19 – 22 – went to Dumaguete and Siquijor with Aissa one of my closest friend and we have so much fun.  Apo Island is the best snorkeling site I’ve been to. We went home soaking wet and we’re like crazy kids!
• August 31 – my parents home coming!
• September 15 – I accidentally made a reservation for a condominium unit.
• September 17 – birth of Vin Seth, my nephew
• November 22 -24 – first time to travel with high school friends.  We went to Palawan and it was fun.  I fell in love with the firefly watching and with the cute tour guide, too.
• December 27 – my sister and her family’s homecoming!

8.  What was your biggest achievement of the year?

• I was able to put a deposit and started paying for the down payment of a property.  I never really thought that I would be doing this in my life.

9.  What was your biggest failure?

• I can’t actually think of something that I can consider as a failure maybe one and it is I wasn’t serious in achieving and completing my 101 things to do in 1001 days. 

10.  Did you suffer illness or injury?

• No major illness and injury but I was finally diagnosed with scoliosis.  I underwent several PT sessions throughout the year.

11.  What was/were the best thing/s you bought?

• Airplane tickets, iPad2 and my soon-to-be condominium

12.  Where did most of your money go?

• Travel, food, savings and gadgets

13.  What did you get really, really, really excited about?

• My sister’s coming home and my biggest investment so far

14.  What songs will always remind you of 2011?

• What Doesn’t Kill You  (Stronger), Fall In Love, Someone Like You, Turning Tables, One and Only, So Gone

15.  Compared to this time last year, are you:

• Happier or sadder? I’m always happy.  I don’t do sadness anymore.  I’ve let go of those people who make me sad. So again, I’m happier.
• Thinner or fatter? I guess this would be THINNER, I had to go on a strict diet because my blood test showed bad results then I was successful with not eating pork and lessened my rice in-take.  I’ve lost 10 lbs. in 1 and ½ months.
• Richer or poorer? I’d say RICHER, thanks to the annual salary increase and the unexpected 16^th month bonus.  Plus this year I was really forced to save up.

16.  What do you wish you’d done more of?

• Saving up and my last year’s “more of” list – reading books, solving jigsaw puzzles and studying how to bake and cook.

17.  What do you wish you’d done less of?

• Procrastinating and bitching around – not really, just procrastinating. Ha-ha!

18.  How did you be spend the holidays?

• Parents are here for the holidays. We did the usual Noche Buena and drank beer and wine.  Media Noche was more fun because my sister was here.  We celebrated the holidays at home.

19.  Did you fall in love in 2011?

• No, I didn’t.

20.  How many one-night stands?

• Oh, I didn’t count. I actually did let’s just say that it increased 400% this year. I’m such a slut.

21.  What were your favorite TV programs this year?

• Old -  Supernatural,  The Amazing Race and Survivor
• New -  Australia’s Junior Master chef, Revenge, Californication and Cougar Town

22.  Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

• Yes, the fat bitch with a pea-sized brain who threatened to kill us because she didn’t get the context of the joke.  Apparently, (I didn’t know) that stupid people can actually kill you because they’re stupid.

23.  What was the best book you read?

• I really fell in love with Coraline, it is the only book that I was able to finish but I started The Game of Thrones last month of the year and still reading it to date.

24.  What was your greatest musical discovery?

• I really had a hard time answering this question because I didn’t get to like a new artist but I liked Javier Colon and Dia Frampton from The Voice.

25.  What did you want and got?

• iPad2 – I don’t actually want it that much but I really needed it for the wedding coordination.

26.  What were your favorite films of this year?

• Zombadings, I even watched it twice.  The Green Hornet, Kung Fu Panda2

27.  What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

• I went to Cebu for a day then on the eve of my birthday I was in Bohol.  Underneath the stars, I ate blueberry cheesecake.  I celebrated my 32^nd birthday alone and listened to the One Republic’s Good Life because I believe that I have a good life and blessed. 

28.  What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

• If I were able to go out of the country and explored a new country.  I’m wanderlust!

29.  What kept you sane?

• And who said I was sane?  Well good friends like the Wedding Wizards and we were busy with our wedding coordination business.  We had a total of 8 clients for 2011.  The usual travel with friends helped me, too.

30.  What political issue stirred you the most?

• I don’t usually listen to politics but to answer this I think the anti-planking bill is a big joke.

31.  Who did you miss?

• My dog, Tracy because she died last November 25, my sister and  mom and UST friends because I don’t get to see them as often as before and my friend, Stephen but everything’s different now.

32.  Who was the best new person you met?

• Alan Agrao – he’s really smart and witty and funny unfortunately I didn’t get to attend his wedding and meet him.
• Jon Litiatco – he actually followed me on twitter then unfollowed then I looked and checked his twitter and thought he looked interesting.  Then I followed him then he followed back.  Had few conversations until I asked for his email then we had been exchanging emails regularly.  He introduced Californication to me and I loved it.
• Chantel – she’s my elevator classmate in the office.  She’s jolly and smart that’s why I love talking to her.

33.  Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:

• There are things that you don’t want to continue but you’re afraid to end and in the end you still have to choose what’s best for you even if it hurts.
• Letting go is hard.  Forgiving someone who doesn’t even know how to ask for forgiveness is harder. 
• If you have a strong self-control and discipline you can achieve anything and everything.

 

 

The one with the 2011 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Syndey Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 41,000 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 15 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

 

the one with the bite my tongue

 

I’ve been biting my tongue since October and still counting the days.   I’m afraid that I might lose it since I’ve been holding my opinion for more than 2 months now.  If you know me well, you’d probably not going to believe it and it’s not really an easy thing for me to do.  And now I’ve decided to air my opinion here in my blog. 

I’ve been a loyal listener of Chico and Delamar’s The Morning Rush since 2002.  There were years that I’ve missed listening because of work schedule and I was swamped with work load.  I think it was 2006 when I finally got the chance to listen regularly again and finally I’ve got everything going for me on the show in 2007.

Anyway, this year 2011 Delle got pregnant and as loyal fan, I was really happy for her.  Then I’ve realized how I’m going to miss her when she finally takes her leave of absence.  And I didn’t realize how it’s going to affect my everyday life until the dreaded weeks of absence happened.  It was the perfect definition of horror for me; I didn’t get to listen to her voice, opinions for almost 9 weeks.  Don’t get me wrong, I equally love Chico and Delle, I really do!  But this is just a realization that I didn’t really expect.  I thought her absence can be compensated since Chico was left to do the show.

Actually the issue isn’t about missing Delle; it’s about missing the show, too.  When she left, the show took a turn that I tried to learn to love but unfortunately, it didn’t quite appeal to me.  (Sorry Chico, if you’re even going to read this :’( it’s not you; it’s the other disc jockey that’s running the show.)  There were a lot of instances that I find that he was disrespectful of Chico.  The age jokes and remarks aren’t even funny at all.  Then he is a blabber mouth, he thinks he knows everything and forgets to respect other’s opinions.  If you’d notice it since he started to do the show with Chico the Top 10 segment were always late and exceeded the time.  I know there’s nothing wrong with airing opinions but some people tend to overdo it.  And unfortunately, he is one of them.  I didn’t find the show as funny as before because he is sarcastic more often than not.  Aside from that, he doesn’t even know how to play listeners’ request and everyone can attest to this.

When Delle came back and I’ve learned that the show will be a threesome, I’ve told myself that I’m listening because of two reasons only: one, its Chico and another is because of Delle.  I just hope that the management will realize this sooner than later before damage is done with the show.

 

the one with the discipline

 

“The only discipline that lasts is self-discipline.” Bum Phillips

I’m not the best person to preach about discipline.  If you know me, I’m an “I-hate-rules-but-would-try-to-abide” kind of person but when things need to be done then I follow.

And the past few months proved me how strong my discipline is.  First, I really needed to save up lots of mullah for an amortization that will last a lifetime and I’ve surprised myself by giving away whims like watching movies and traveling.  I even changed my lifestyle and started to be a wise spender especially when it comes to wants.  Well, it’s not that I don’t know how to save up but I just don’t have a specific amount to target and monitor my spending.  I still don’t fully monitor it like some friends I know.  I just do estimates and tighten my belt when need be.

Second testament is about my health.  My blood results since 2009 showed that I have high levels on cholesterol and triglycerides.  I just didn’t mind since I’m younger then.  I just don’t want to limit myself especially when it comes to my food intake.  I don’t want to miss the good things in life. 

Until after the 3^rd straight year of getting the same old results and it has worsened, too.  So I’ve decided to change my diet and eating habits not because I was afraid to die early but I wanted to know how far I can push myself in attaining a goal.  I needed a challenge since my work is a bore.  After 6 months of doing a half-hearted self diet regimen and another set of test, there were small improvement that I couldn’t be proud of.  It was a big failure so I’ve finally put my focus in this goal and had another set of test after 3 months and voila! I’ve successfully passed everything.  Improvements were so high that I was too proud of it and bragged about it.  And aside from being healthier, I even lost weight.  I’ve never felt that I can over-achieve my goal.  It was ecstatic!

Thus, I’ve finally believed that discipline is a good trait that I should really possess.  I’ve never imagined that I can be this disciplined.  I was too carefree and lazy.  I’ve forgotten and neglected that the key to success lies primarily on discipline. 

With this, I’ve really learned that when we put our minds into something and we execute it according to plan there’s no way for us to fail.  This testament will always be a reminder that when I want something I should just trust myself and put my 100% into it and then I’ll have it with the right attitude and proper discipline, I can achieve anything.  Cheers to my next target, “WORLD DOMINATION!”

 

the one with the filler

 

Hello! I’m still alive!

I really miss writing and posting a blog weekly. 

The past few days have been a little bit blurry I guess that’s the price of going out in the real world.  I have a lot of topics in my mind.  I have 3 past travels to post, movies and songs to review but because of my busy schedule I have no time to do it.  Additional reason for the deficiency of time is the fall season of my favorite series/shows which reminds me that I also have to write about it.

I have also been busy looking for additional source of income and trying to learn baking other pastries like muffins.  And in the next coming months, I’ll start with cooking.  This is the operation miss independent 2014.  This is one of the rare moments that I’d get to plan for the future.  It is inevitable now I get it and I can’t wait for it.

Anyway, this is just a quick look of what I have in mind and a filler post that will occupy my month of November just in case I don’t get to write again.  Until then!

 

the one with Stronger

Finally after two and half years of waiting, Kelly Clarkson finally released her 5^th studio album entitled Stronger.  I was actually excited not only because I’m a big fan but it’s also because of her debut single, “Mr. Know it All” sounds very different.  It’s bitchy and resentful with an upbeat sound that makes me want to walk in a catwalk like a model.  It really surprised me and I really loved it instantly so after hearing that I couldn’t expect less from the album.  I know that I’d be surprised and I really hoped that I would.  I couldn’t care less on some of the critics’ comments like it sounded a bit like Bruno Mars’ “Just the Way You Are”.   The song has more to it than just that, a defensive word that a true fan would utter, I guess.

But I’m not the kind of fan who’d follow and read news there is so I’d be that updated.  I also dislike listening and getting leaked songs because I know that she doesn’t want us to hear second-rate quality songs.  I just love her voice and songs and I’m the type who would line-up on a ticket booth just to see her perform live and buy the original record.

Then finally last Tuesday, I was able to hear the deluxe edition of her album.  I know and I’m not proud of it but I had to.  The record isn’t released here yet but once it hits the racks, I’d be the first to buy and that’s for sure.  The deluxe record included earlier hit and collaboration, “Don’t You Wanna Stay” which is a country song, seeing this from the track listing answered my earlier expectation.

And like what a true blue fan would do, I had listened to the album the whole day and enjoyed my favorite artist’s songs and voice.  The album was really good.  It showcased her talent, her voice.  Listening to it made me wish that I could fly to the US soon and in time for her album tour.  I want to hear her live and validate how she sounds like her record. 

The first three tracks were great and I intend to write about one of the songs on a later date.  Though I still think that Breakaway is still her best and still prefer the underrated My December album over this new one.  I just hope that this current album would get the critics’ approval.  I think this record is much better than her fourth which produced a couple of hit songs.

And talking about hits, the title track “What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger)” would certainly be a hit and I’m betting my money on this track.  The song is a true work of an artist coupled with a powerful voice that hits the spot and you would never go wrong with this one.  You’d love it instantly.  At least I did. 

I just love how strong the lyrics are from disproving one’s impression of your so-called breakdown to actually thanking them for paving the way for the new start and helping one see the need to think about the “me” and knowing that the end was actually just the beginning of a greater thing.

I really love the line, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller, doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone.”  I know that this really sounds bitter but that’s how it should be.   Sometimes we should let the aggressor realize that the hurt that they have caused us doesn’t make our lives stop but instead it fuels reborn, the realization that life doesn’t end when someone leaves us.

And that’s why I really loved the song because I believe her words.  People will always leave you and the good thing about it is you’d realize that you’re strong enough to survive without them in your life.  And for me there’s nothing wrong with being alone.  I’m a fighter and I believe that happiness is not equated with being in love or having someone.  Happiness is a choice that we embrace in our everyday life and for me that’s the real meaning of love. 

This is one of the reasons why I really love Kelly because I can totally relate with her songs.  After this post I still have to write about another favorite and that’s another story to read.  For now, I’m leaving you with the first single from her current album, Mr. Know It All and if you’ll have the chance to visit a record store don’t forget to grab her album because it’s a truly piece of art.

 

the one with the home design

 

In life you have to make your own decisions.  And today in the modern days, it is also called freedom.  And with freedom, one is expected to use his own freewill.  It is part of adulthood; it is part of life.

And the first major decision that I made was choosing my college course.  Looking back on that day, I wish that I was braver and I took the risk and fought for what I really wanted.  Now, I’ve been living with that decision for more than a decade and I guess there’s no more point to complain about my semi-bad decision then.  At least I’ve learned about the concept of freewill after a decade and the hard way.

That’s why whenever I make decisions today; I try to weigh things as much as possible, its costs and benefits, the advantages and disadvantages, opportunities and threats as well.  Too rigorous and complicated as it may sound but that’s how everything should be done.  I don’t want to suffer the consequences of my decisions afterwards though I’m also fully aware that there’s no perfect world but at least I can say that the risks that I’m taking are more or less weighed and calculated.

Anyway, before everything gets too serious, the actual reason why I was posting this is because just a month ago I’ve taken the boldest move I’ve ever made in my entire life.  This decision will affect my life in the next 20 years or more.  I’m quite happy and proud of what I’ve done and equally afraid for the lifestyle change and the almost life-long commitment.  But as Kelly Clarkson puts it, “take a risk, take a chance, make a change and break away…”  I followed her words and now I’m literally broke. Ha-ha!

Setting aside the fear of being broke, there’s something that I can be happy about and this is the fact that I’d get to decide on things like the home design, the theme among others.  Just the thought of having the voice on things like this thrills me.  I’ve never realized that this is something big.  I get to choose the colors, pick the furniture and live on my own.    

But with this freedom comes responsibility.  Unfortunately, I’m not good with color combinations and the arts and crafts are not my department.  I’ve got a very poor taste on things as this is what my friends have continuously pointed out.  I don’t actually agree on that 100% but I’m not confident enough so I guess listening on what they’ve got to say will be on my advantage.

Stressing out on this is actually annoying to some extent because the turn-over will be in 2 years but the reason why I’m starting early is because I’m afraid that I’d make bad decisions and I promised myself that it won’t ever happen again.  I don’t want to regret and live with it until I die. And when I say “live with it” it is figuratively and literally.

I’m in dire need of guidance and aside from getting ideas from friends, I’ve bought and downloaded magazines, started to watch shows about designs and make-over, checked websites on room inspirations and got an application on my phone for visual designs and hopefully these things will help me decide on how my place would look like.

I know that others have greater ideas than me but I don’t want to stay in a place where I don’t see myself in it.  I don’t want it to be all hip and chic.  It worries me that it’ll have everyone’s ideas except mine.  So I’m going to listen and get as much ideas that I can have BUT at the end of the day, I’d still have the last say AND my VOICE will be heard.  Sounds like a good plan? I just hope that the execution would be great if not perfect!